


Totally Poggers Halloween, Bro

by eldrtichtrans



Series: Boy in Orange [2]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life but the AI is Self Aware
Genre: Body Horror, Both Gordon and Benrey are neurodivergent, Developing Relationship, Eldritch Benrey, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Halloween, Halloween related fluff, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), M/M, Predator/Prey, Roommates, Tentacles, Trans Gordon Freeman, there's literally so much in this fic. buy one get everything, trans porn written by a trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eldrtichtrans/pseuds/eldrtichtrans
Summary: Somewhere out in the universe, there was probably a god that created mankind to have common sense and the instincts to prioritize self-preservation over anything else. And that god was probably disappointed in Gordon as he shivered - not from fear, but from pure excitement..It's Benrey's first Halloween, and Gordon wants to make sure they have the best first Halloween possible.It's Benrey's first Halloween, and Benrey wants to be the spookiest thing Gordon experiences this year.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: Boy in Orange [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1960996
Comments: 10
Kudos: 198





	1. TREAT :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there this has taken me over a month to write but welcome to my magnum opus! I've never written something this long before but I'm very proud of it and I hope you like it.
> 
> "Adventures in Picking Pumpkins" (the first fic in this series) is an optional but recommended prior read. Wanna skip straight to this? TL;DR is that Gordon and Benrey became roommates after Black Mesa, went to a pumpkin patch, kissed and became boyfriends. 
> 
> If you don't want to read naughty stuff, great news, it's only in chapter 2! Feel free to read just chapter 1 for angst and fluff and all that good stuff. A little bit of body horror too, FYI. Enjoy the fic, and of course, do NOT send this to the crew.

Gordon had been counting down the days. Twelve long months and it was finally here. The morning of the best day of the year - Halloween. Despite being a fully grown adult, he still found ways to enjoy the holiday. He was fortunate enough to live in an apartment building with many families, and they would do annual trick-or-treating down the halls, unit to unit. Even if he’d outgrown being a trick-or-treater himself, Gordon could still dress up and spread the Halloween ‘spirit’. 

He'd actually had a surprising lack of time to celebrate and prepare throughout the month. Despite the hush money he'd received, not working was taking a toll on his mental health. Gordon had miraculously acquired a job at a local university, tutoring graduate students in theoretical physics. This was mostly thanks to Mr. Coolatta, who arranged for him to have a new resume and identity that omitted his time at Black Mesa. 

And then there was Benrey. They’d been dating for several weeks, taking it surprisingly slow.

Although, they had spent many free nights watching horror movies, which Benrey had taken a liking to. So by the time they'd actually made it to the 31st, Gordon found himself energetically trying to explain the relevance of the holiday to his alien boyfriend, accidentally spending half the morning in bed doing so.

"Yeah, when I was a kid, Halloween was always a really special time for me. For one day a year, I could be anything I wanted to be." He smiled wistfully. "I was an astronaut a bunch of times. I think I went as Dracula at one point, when I was a bit older and my parents realized I wasn't going to wear anything feminine. Whatever I wore, somehow dressing up always made me feel most like myself. I still love Halloween because of that."

"Thought you said Halloween was supposed to be scary? Astronauts aren't scary," Benrey said, eyes fixed down at their hands as they rubbed the soft fabric of their nightshirt.

“I mean it doesn’t always have to be scary. Plus it was more important to me that I got to dress up in something from the ‘boys section,’’ Gordon made an air quotes gesture and rolled his eyes, “Not like anyone can tell who’s wearing it under a helmet. I’m sure you’re aware of that.” He pulled at one of the strings on Benrey’s chullo - a replacement for the beat up helmet once part of his work uniform, of which they wore near-constantly.

They immediately perked up like someone said their trigger word. “BBBBB- yeah helmets are just. Bro helmets. Can’t even see your face. Can put like 17 eyes under there. Gender neutral as FUCK. What?” They must’ve realized they were ranting.

Gordon laughed at their enthusiasm. “Exactly. Man, gender roles are fucked up in our society, I swear. But yeah, that’s why Halloween always felt so cool to me. Plus the scary aesthetic.”

“Helmets for everyone, spooky vibes, sounds like a rad time.” Benrey mused, staring up at the ceiling. “Never experienced any, uh, holidays before.”

Gordon sat up. “Seriously?” He shouldn't have really been surprised, but he assumed that wherever Benrey was from had some sort of traditions. Xen  _ did  _ seem to have some semblance of culture when they went there - but who was to say that was where Benrey was really from, anyways?

“Nope. You humans are just weird.” Now that was simply a shame. No person should go without experiencing at least one holiday, alien or otherwise. And no boyfriend of Gordon Freeman’s was going to miss out on the best holiday, Halloween.

“Then you DEFINITELY deserve a proper introduction to the practice.” Benrey perked up at this, obviously intrigued. Gordon smiled and checked his phone. Only 11:36. “You know- actually, I’m gonna run to the pumpkin patch and grab a couple of pumpkins, since we never did go back to get any after last time. It’s gonna be super crowded, so I don’t recommend we try and make a day out of it, but there should definitely be some pumpkins left that we can make jack-o-lanterns out of.”

“Jackalopes? Jackalopes, sir?” Benrey asked, gaze following Gordon as he jumped out of bed and energetically changed from sweatpants to jeans.

“Jack-o-lanterns. They’re pumpkins that have been emptied and carved to have faces on them. I told you about them before we went last time, remember? I’ll also swing by the grocery store and get some other supplies, since I’ll be out.” He’d already gotten on his socks and was lacing up his outdoor boots. Probably the fastest he’d gotten clothes on in ages. “Stay here and get ready, because I’m gonna make sure you have the best first Halloween possible!”

\---

Gordon came back to the apartment about an hour later with two large, slightly beat up pumpkins, along with a cheap carving kit, multiple large bags of assorted candy, and some fake spider webs to decorate their door. Deciding to save the decorating for later, he covered the kitchen island with old newspapers, placed the pumpkins on them, and called Benrey over.

“Alright, so we are gonna get started carving the pumpkins first,” he said, pulling up a couple of stools for them to sit on. “You can pick which one you want, since it’s your first time.”

Benrey inspected the two pumpkins, looking them over like they were checking for flaws. They got up real close to the slightly taller of the pair and, of all things, licked it. Benrey tilted their head like they were thinking it over, then nodded. “I’ll take this bad boy,” they said as they plopped down onto their stool, pulling the pumpkin over with them.

“You- really didn’t need to-” Gordon sputtered before resigning himself to the fact that Benrey was just going to be that way today. “Whatever. So the first step is to take one of the bigger carving knives,” he picked up one to demonstrate, “And cut a hole around the stem so we can get inside.” He carefully pierced the top of his pumpkin, needing only a bit of force to get through. His boyfriend watched and frowned.

“Broooo you killed him :(.“

Gordon groaned, retracting from his work. “Benrey, I saw you shoot people in cold blood at Black Mesa. I’m sure you can handle a little pumpkin carving.” He tried to continue cutting the top hole, but heard the other being mumble something under their breath. Gordon turned and raised an eyebrow. “What did you say?”

“I said, it wasn’t cold blood, they’re the ones that like, tried to keep me there,” they said nonchalantly. Benrey spied the other carving knife, grabbing it and stabbing the top of their own pumpkin. “Kinda had it coming if you ask me.”

This time Gordon fully paused his work, placing his knife down. “What do you mean they tried to keep you there?”

Benrey shrugged. "So I was just chilling on Xen one day, and then boom, warped to Black Mesa. And, uh, the scientists kept me there. Got soooo mad when I figured out how to look like a security guard." He grinned maliciously, sharp teeth glinting from the fluorescent kitchen lights and making a chill run down Gordon's back. "Nobody even questioned it. Just thought I died or something." 

Gordon felt colder all of a sudden. What Benrey was saying peaked his interest immensely, as this was not at ALL how he assumed the former security guard had acquired their position - though he wasn't sure what he expected, either. That aside, what was causing a pit of dread to fill Gordon's stomach was a sense of dark realization; there were very few reasons Benrey could've been held at Black Mesa.

He knew the logical answer, but had to ask the question, and not out of strictly morbid curiosity. He wanted to give Benrey as much support as possible, in all ways, and you need context in order to provide said support. Gordon didn’t want to trigger them either, and decided to tread cautiously.

"Benrey, can you- well, do you feel comfortable telling me why they were keeping you at Black Mesa?"

Benrey quieted, the menacing look from earlier completely disintegrating and their attention suddenly fixed on drumming their fingers on their thighs rapidly. When they did speak, it was distant. "You’re a scientist, you should know what scientists do when they get their hands on something they don’t understand.”

And suddenly, it made complete sense to Gordon why Benrey kept shooting every scientist they found. It didn't make sense why he, Tommy, Dr. Coomer, and Bubby were the exceptions. But at that moment it didn't matter. Gordon scooched himself closer to Benrey and placed a hand lightly on one of theirs. They turned it over and held his. Gordon could feel their heart racing.

“Benrey, I’m so sorry you went through that. I didn’t realize how awful Black Mesa was until the resonance cascade, and every time I learn more about them I’m glad the place is destroyed.” Benrey squeezed Gordon’s hand tightly, though they were looking away. “If you ever want to talk about it, or if there’s anything you want me to do or not do, or anything- please tell me. You’re safe now, and I want you to  _ feel  _ safe.” Gordon paused briefly, thinking. “It’s like you tell me. ‘I care you.’”

Benrey abruptly grew still quiet and stiff, like he was in shock of what he was hearing. Gordon was a bit worried he’d made a mistake, given how long the silence lasted, until Benrey cautiously wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Probably the most awkward hug he'd ever had, given how Benrey initiated it like he'd never been hugged in his life (which he probably hadn't, save for their more intimate embraces), but it meant so much to Gordon. He relaxed into it with relief.

Benrey sang some sweet voice suddenly in a way that seemed purposeful. It went from orange to pale green; Gordon had been trying to learn from Tommy what the different colors and combinations meant, but this was not one he’d yet been taught.

As if reading his mind, they sheepishly explained, “Tangerine to honeydew means ‘I’m glad I’m with you.’” 

“I’m glad I’m with you, too.” A warmth filled Gordon’s chest and he smiled. Tangerine to honeydew seemed like some colors he’d like to see again.

Benrey waved away the sweet voice that hung in the air. They did their best to make a neutral facial expression, but couldn’t hide how flushed their cheeks were. “Anyways, it’s spooky time, not unlocking tragic backstory time. You, uh, made it to level 10 boyfriend, congrats. Now let’s jack off these pumpkins.”

Gordon snorted. “It’s jack-o’-lan- actually, fuck it, yeah, we’re jacking off the pumpkins. Sure.”

They proceeded to carve the top of their pumpkins for the next several minutes. Once that was done, Gordon then explained how the next step was to empty the insides of the seeds and guts. Just as he was about to hand over one of the little plastic shovels to Benrey, they cut him off.

"Yo, I got a cheat code for this," Benrey then let their tongue slink out of their mouth to an inhuman level. It dove into the open pumpkin, width expanding, and scooped out nearly all of  the innards and seeds in one go. They dumped the contents onto the counter and let their tongue retract. Their face crumpled and made a sour expression as they spat out some seeds. 

Gordon could only stand there, jaw slack in awe and disappointment (and maybe a little intrigued by the length of that tongue). “Did you think the taste was going to improve or something?”

“Nah. But I got the gross inside stuff out for ya.”

"I- you know what, you sure did, Benrey." Deciding just to move on, he took his now hollow pumpkin and put it on its side and grabbed a slightly smaller knife, holding it as a pencil. "Now, you're gonna take a knife and mark out a face that you will then carve. The face can be funny-"

"So your face."

"...Or it can be scary-"

"Ah, my face."

Gordon looked at him as if to say,  _ really? _ , and said, "Dude, your face isn't scary. You can BE scary, but your face isn't, by itself, scary. It's…" he hesitated and avoided eye contact, internally cringing at what he was about to say. "You know, kinda cute."

Though he didn't see it, his boyfriend had blushed a little before saying in a mocking tone, "Aw, does Miwster Gowden Fweeman have a cwushie-wushie on me???"

Gordon rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore the sickeningly sweet wordage he’d used. "Benrey, we've been dating for almost a month, YES I have a crush on you." 

Benrey turned and let himself fall backwards dramatically onto the kitchen island. Gordon could only shake his head and commence drawing a face onto his pumpkin.

The two of them ended up having drastically different interpretations of what a face was. Gordon went the traditional route: two triangle eyes, a triangle nose and a large grin with missing teeth. Benrey’s pumpkin, however, showed very clearly that he did not know what a human face looked like. There were just circles cut out all around it, with a couple triangles and squares mixed in. It looked a bit like swiss cheese by the end. Gordon had been just sorta letting them do their own things, but by the time he’d finished his own pumpkin, he couldn’t take it anymore and asked what the hell it was supposed to be.

“It’s a face, bro. Duh.” Benrey intently worked on his pumpkin, tongue sticking out in concentration as he carved yet another square. At least he was enjoying himself. “Looks more like a face than yours.”

“Is that seriously what you think a face looks like? Is that an alien thing, or?” Gordon asked, more intrigued than anything.

They shrugged. “I dunno what you talking bout, man. This is a normal face. Human faces look weird, this is the real deal.”

Gordon shook his head, smiling a bit. “You’re… something, Benrey.” There was a ping from his phone suddenly. “You better be done with that thing soon, or there won’t be any pumpkin left,” he said, pacing towards the living room and fishing his phone from his pocket.

Of all things, the alert was a text from Julia. Reading her name alone brought over some emotions that he… didn’t want to be feeling tonight, to say the least. It always did. Regret from failing his past relationship, sadness at not spending this Halloween with Joshua, and a surprising feeling of anxiety; he could hear Benrey struggling to carve his pumpkin in the kitchen, and getting the text was as if the universe was saying  _ you better not fuck this one up, too.  _ Thankfully, the contents of the text was more positive than others he’d received from Julia in the past. He had already seen from the notification that the message included a picture, and when he opened it, Gordon couldn’t help but beam.

“What’s got you all, uh, smiley? Looking at pictures of me? Gordon Crushman?” Benrey must’ve noticed his expression.

Gordon cleared his throat. “No- it’s a, um, my son. Joshua. He’s with his mom, she sent me a picture of him.” His boyfriend had made his way over to him, and glanced down at the phone. “And if you say ‘looks a bit shit’, I’m kicking you out for the night.”

The 6 year old was dressed as a cowboy. It wasn’t a surprising choice of costume, the kid had been obsessed with them since he was a toddler. It was a pretty impressive get up, actually, like it must've been marked 'deluxe' at Spirit Halloween. And god, did Joshua look happy. It almost made Gordon tear up with both pride of his son’s joy and envy that they weren’t spending the holiday together.

“Little Feetman looking slick.” Benrey said, sounding unusually earnest. “Why’s he never, uh, come by to see you?”

Gordon stared at his phone for a bit longer before putting it back in his pocket. His boyfriend’s question was valid, though was not exactly a subject he liked talking about. “Julia and I - she’s my ex - used to have joint custody over him. Like I would have him every other weekend. After the ResCas and everything at Black Mesa, she took sole custody.” Underneath their impassive expression, there was a twinge of anger in Benrey’s eyes. Gordon could only smile sadly. “I don’t blame her. I wasn’t fit to parent a kid, I was barely fit to take care of myself - you remember how I was. I’m hoping that at some point we could go back. I miss the kid, and I think she knows that.”

It was very quiet in the moments that followed. To Gordon, the air in the room felt heavy with the weight of his guilt; he never really talked about his previous relationship before, and barely even mentioned that he had a kid besides that time at Black Mesa. He knew he wasn’t a great dad, and the guilt he felt for that was all-consuming. Not only that, but the guilt of throwing this emotion onto Benrey -  _ which was something they didn’t deserve, handling their own emotions was exhausting enough for them, Gordon shouldn’t be making them deal with his too, he should be able to take care of himself, what kind of a shitty _ -

He felt someone gently grab his hand. “Costume for Gordon? Benry does makeup for boyfriend, please?"

“What?” Gordon was completely thrown from his spiral, baffled at the question.

“You said you liked being someone else on Halloween, yeah? You should, uh, let me dress you up.”

“Benery, I barely trust you with a marker, I sure as hell don’t trust you with my makeup.” It was true, Gordon liked doing makeup for fun every once in a while. It was something he’d done forever and, well, old hobbies die hard. Thus, he had acquired a decent sized collection of makeup, ranging from simple nude eyeshadow pallets to professional grade SFX makeup. It was also true that Gordon had wanted to have at least a little bit of a costume for the holiday. But he was pretty sure he shouldn’t be entrusting Benrey of all people with that job.

But Benrey was dead set on doing so, giving him the most pitiful look. Their eyes were wide and they wore a pleading expression. Like a cat trying to look as cute as possible to get what they wanted. Gordon could barely suppress a smile at it, despite his admonishment to the idea. “Pleaseee? I’ll make you look pretty. I’ve never asked beforeeee”

“Fine! Okay, okay, haha,” he laughed as Benrey immediately dropped the act, fist-pumped and gave a quiet ‘yessss’ to himself. “You can do my makeup, but you’ve gotta be extremely careful, that stuff isn’t cheap. And don’t do anything that I won’t be able to easily take off tonight.”

“Mneh neh neh, I got it, don’t break anything and don’t paint your face like a juggalo. Yes sir.” He energetically marched his way to the bathroom. Gordon was frozen in place from Benrey uttering the word juggalo - first of all he was shocked Benrey knew what that was, plus it was way too specific for him to not have something planned. Right?

He briefly thought back to the picture of Joshua. Maybe the text wasn’t the universe trying to say don’t fuck things up. Maybe it was trying to remind him to appreciate what he had. Even if what he had might be scheming to make him look like a member of ICP.

\---

Benrey ended up doing Gordon's makeup all the way through dinner. They sat on the bathroom floor eating pizza, which seemed like a great dinner plan at first, but eventually became a bit inconvenient to eat as Gordon had to avoid getting sauce on his face. Everytime he accidentally did, Benrey would huff and say something along the lines of 'Gordon Messyman ruining my masterpiece'.

Benrey was also insistent on keeping whatever he was fashioning Gordon to be a secret. It was hard for him to not make guesses based on the assortment of makeup surrounding them, though. Benrey had not even tried to put anything away after using it. Among said makeup included some of his SFX stuff, which Gordon was relieved to watch his boyfriend handle with care.

After an hour and a half, Benrey dug out a hand mirror from the pile of makeup and pizza boxes littering the bathroom floor and gave it to Gordon. His heart raced at seeing his own reflection. He hadn’t known what to expect, but what he did see pleasantly surprised him.

“It’s a, uh, scarecrow. Scariest. Got ‘scare’ in the name. Best for Halloween,” Benrey explained, a telltale blue dusting his cheeks. “Don’t be mean if it’s bad. No backseat gaming, sir.”

They’d done… actually really well, all things considered. A big fake gash running from his temple to his forehead. Black eyeshadow around and under his eyes. A fake ‘patch’ on his nose and a wide, sewn on grin with a little blood dripping from it. Of course it wasn’t perfect - the wounds were obviously fake and the eyeshadow was slightly translucent from lack of primer - but it was perfect enough for Gordon.

He put down the mirror and hugged Benrey, turning his head to the side so he didn’t smudge any of the makeup. “I love it, it’s perfect, Benrey.”

“Wuh?” They sounded shocked by the reaction, face burning an even darker blue. “Thought you, uh, didn’t trust me with a marker.”

“I still don’t, but you did a great job. Really, I love it.” Gordon laughed, standing up and checking the time on his phone. 5:42. “Shit, we better start setting up for the trick-or-treaters. Can you empty the bags of candy and put them into a big bowl or something? I’m gonna put the pumpkins outside and throw some decorations up.”

Benrey ended up taking this as an invitation to try the various candies. Which wasn’t a huge problem, since Gordon had bought a lot. He figured they’d never even tried candy outside of stale m&ms from the Black Mesa vending machines. While Gordon rushed to find tea light candles and hang fake spider webbing on the door, Benrey sat in the living room doing some leisurely taste testing.

Most candy - chocolate bars, Reese's, Nerds, etc - all seemed to disgust him. He truly was an enigma. Gordon had begun to think that perhaps his alien biology made him dislike sugar or something until hearing him call,

“Yo can we get some poggers in the chat for these twisty bad boys?? Taste reaaalll fucking good.” Gordon turned around from his decorating to see Benrey taking immense pleasure in eating some black licorice.

He grimaced. “Out of all the candy I bought, THAT’S the kind you like the most? Black licorice tastes god awful.”

“I dunno what you talking about man. This shit is the bomb dot com." Benrey tore open another individually wrapped piece of licorice, which he ate instantly, hardly chewing. To Gordon's disgust (but not surprise) he followed that up with eating the plastic wrapper itself. 

“I… no comment.” Thankfully, Benrey had actually done his job for once and had poured the candy bags into a bowl - it was the bowl from their mixer, but that was beside the point. Gordon snatched it from him (“Bro noooo”) as well as one of the kitchen chairs. He propped open the front door with a spare shoe and sat on the chair in the door’s threshold, just in time to hear some kids laughing from down the hall.

\---

Perhaps Gordon had overestimated the amount of fun there was in handing out candy. At first it was great. Hanging out with his boyfriend, looking at the costumes the kids were wearing, saying hi to all the neighbors he’d not seen in ages, but eventually he felt burnt out. He was wanting more out of the night. Benrey - who had successfully sorted all the licorice out of the main bowl of candy and into his own personal pile - was probably feeling it too. He’d been sitting cross legged by the door, slightly behind Gordon, surrounded by partially gnawed-on wrappers.

Benrey sighed and fell backwards onto the carpet. “These noobs all doing, uh, weak shit. It’s like they don’t know what scary is.”    
  


“Well, yeah.” Gordon handed a piece of candy to another child that ran up to them, who was wearing some kind of fairy costume. He smiled and waved as they ran off before turning to Benrey. “They’re just kids. They want to have fun, and that doesn’t inherently mean dressing the scariest.” Benrey only huffed at that, and Gordon shook his head with a smile. He turned back to the hallway, though from behind him could hear the wrapper crinkling of what was no doubt more licorice.

A larger group of kids approached, multiple parents trailing behind and talking amongst each other. As usual, the kids all chimed in ‘trick or treat!’ and held out their various bags and pails. Gordon couldn’t help but grin back at them as he handed out his generously sized candy bars and saw their wide eyes and smiles. After making sure they all had been given candy, he was  about to wave them off when one child looked beyond where Gordon was seated and screamed.

This caused a chain reaction of the rest of the kids screaming and running off. Gordon quickly glanced behind him and, to his horror, saw that Benrey had made the bold decision to make his entire face covered in tiny eyeballs. Like a trypophobic’s worst nightmare. Not only that, but goddamn  _ tentacles  _ were slinking out from underneath his clothes. They were void black, absorbing all possible light (Gordon found that quite incredible, actually, but that was something to marvel at later). He shot up and turned back to the parents that were giving him dirty, accusatory looks.

“I’m so sorry, oh my god- that’s my roommate, I didn’t know he would be doing that, I’m so sorry-” His frantic apologies fell on unreceptive ears, the adults only concerned with calming their hysterical children. Perhaps this was a good time to retire from handing out candy for the night. Gordon sighed and pulled his chair and bowl of candy inside the apartment, closing the door. He faced Benrey, who was still in their terrifying form, yet somehow managed to look smug. “Are you happy with yourself?” Gordon asked them, tone dripping with bitter sarcasm.

“Uh. Yeah.” Their form started to relax, eyes disappearing from their face and tentacles retracting. “Show’d em some actual scares, pro strats. Besides, I, uh, thought you liked it when I looked like this?”

Gordon blushed. He liked to think he was too angry to be horny, though the more he looked at his roommate’s form - even as it dissipated - he could feel his own body betraying him. “Not when you are  _ scaring kids, _ Benrey. And their parents were right there! You don’t know who they could’ve been, what connections they might have.” While Gordon was trying to get at the idea that they should be worried of people seeing that as more than just a costume, Benrey seemed completely unfazed by the notion. In fact, it seemed like they had another agenda far more important to them than evading the government.

They took a few steps closer to Gordon, smirking in a way that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Did they get taller? Gordon suddenly felt towered over, his previous anger long forgotten. He jumped at least a foot when he felt something brush against his arm. Something  _ smooth _ and  _ wet _ . Gordon looked down to see one of those impossibly black tentacles slithering up his arm and under his sleeve. He felt it tug him closer to Benrey.

"Yo you wanna, uh, go on a walk? In the woods or somethin'. Real spooky hours." Their voice was a bit quieter and husky.

Benrey really knew exactly which buttons to press to get him going, huh? No wonder the bastard had looked smug. Weren't they the one new to this holiday, anyway? Who said they got to call the shots?

Gordon swallowed dryly. "Y-yeah that would be cool." No matter how much he tried to center himself, whatever predatory aura Benrey was projecting was enough to derail his composure and keep the heat in his stomach growing.

"Sick." The tentacle that had been exploring Gordon's arm suddenly shot back to its owner before disappearing completely. Benrey turned around and headed to get his shoes. Gordon was completely still, unable to process what just happened. What was about to happen.

Somewhere out in the universe, there was probably a god that created mankind to have common sense and the instincts to prioritize self-preservation over anything else. And that god was probably disappointed in Gordon as he shivered - not from fear, but from pure excitement.


	2. TRICK >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo welcome to chapter 2! as a quick note, Gordon is transmasc, but I refer to his junk in male terms.

The section of woods behind Gordon and Benrey’s apartment complex stretched far out into the New Mexico landscape. They were lucky to live on the edge of the city, which while inconvenient from a transportation standpoint was incredibly helpful if one wanted to get away from the crowds. When Benrey first moved in, he would go on walks alone in those woods for hours. Which had been fine by Gordon at the time, given how volatile their relationship was back then. So it didn't come as a total surprise Benrey had chosen this as their spooky destination of the night.

Gordon had changed into a sweatshirt and removed his makeup, assuring Benrey that he did love and appreciate it before doing so. He obviously didn’t know what he was getting into, but figured that scarecrow makeup would probably kill the vibe. A little unsexy. It did end up taking a significant amount of time to remove the makeup, but not nearly as long as the application process lasted. At some point Benrey made the decision to remove their chullo before leaving, which they only ever did if they wanted to protect it from getting dirty or losing it. So that sure was a sign of things to come, whatever they were.

By the time they actually started walking, it had gotten quite late. The hallways were mostly barren, save for some drunkards stumbling out of apartments in skimpy costumes, the smell of booze heavy enough to make Gordon scrunch up his nose and quicken his pace. Outside, the streets seemed relatively empty, and once they got past the treeline of the forest, all thought of civilization dissolved.

The moon was full that night, giving the already imposing woods an ominous atmosphere. It didn’t help that Gordon had no clue what was about to happen. The two of them had been making small talk about drunk people until Gordon decided to change the topic.

"If you just want to be like, all monster-y and sexual, why do you wanna go to the woods? Why not just do that at home?" 

"Spooky factor. That's Halloween's thing, right? Plus didn’t you, uh, not want me to scare anymore kids?” Benrey’s face remained deadpan, but what he said managed to make Gordon’s spine tingle. The implications of his statement concerned and intrigued him.

After a few shy moments of silence, Benrey asked in a caring tone, “You’re like, good to do this, right?”

Gordon looked around at the isolation they’d created for themselves among the trees, and slowed his walking. When he spoke, his voice had become harder than intended. “Yeah, could you just be... conscientious of my trauma?” They drew to a halt. It was silent besides the crickets and sounds of the forest. Benrey said nothing, but their face had obvious confusion painted on it. He continued, “You know that I’ve forgiven you for what happened at Black Mesa and Xen and everything. I’m not angry about it anymore, but I don’t agree with your actions and what happened still very much traumatized me.”

After taking a breath, Gordon continued, “I’m good with you shapeshifting and looking all alien and stuff - more than good with it, actually - but please don’t look like how you were on Xen. And I know we’ve talked about it before but, like, don't do anything that could put pressure on my scar.” Gordon didn’t even need to clarify which scar; it was ‘The Scar’, the one that encircled his forearm where it had been cut off by a military assassin and regrown thanks to Mr. Coolatta. It prickled at his own mention. “Other than that, I’m open to whatever, to be honest. You can even act all intimidating, I’m  _ really  _ good with that. Safeword is, uh… ‘gameboy.’ Is that all okay?”

Benrey stayed quiet for a moment, before speaking softly, “Yeah. Don’t be like fucked up evil Benry. Gameboy.” His previous mostly-emotionless facade was broken by obvious anxiety. Gordon could see them start to rub at the strings of their hoodie methodically as their gaze flickered around. “But you really shouldn’t forgive me for back then. Shit was vile. I didn’t want- but I  _ did _ , your fucking arm, dude, I- I’m so-” 

There was the most fleeting of pauses before he sang some black to red sweet voice. This time, it was one that Gordon remembered Tommy telling him about.

_ Crow to cherry means they’re so very, very, sorry. _

Gordon put a hand on their shoulder and looked them in the eyes, the same way he did when having serious moments with Joshua. “It’s okay, Benrey. I told you that I forgive you. That’s why I’m with you- that’s why I _ trust you  _ enough to do what we are going to do. I want to do this.” There was something else Gordon wanted to say, but he couldn’t figure out what it was quite yet.

Benrey let go of a breath he’d been holding. “I want this too. You, like, really sure though? For real, really?”

Gordon rolled his eyes. “Yes, for real really. So,” He removed his hand from his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I don’t know what you’ve got planned, but lead the way.”

\---

They were walking for at least fifteen more minutes. At first it was really quiet, a little awkward, at least from Gordon’s perspective. It was from his own anxiety - Gordon was the type of person that needed to talk all the time and couldn’t deal with silence, but also didn’t want to risk ruining the mood in moments like these. He was excited, and that was something he could hardly hide. Benrey pulling that tentacle shit earlier made him melt inside. Anytime they had a bunch of eyes or teeth, it drove him crazy. If Benrey’s form earlier had been taken out of the context of scaring children, Gordon would’ve become a puddle. 

With all that in mind, when he eventually made small talk, it was him questioning Benrey as a being. Regardless of his tendencies to be what Benrey had deemed ‘a monsterfucker’, he was a scientist. He wanted to know as much about strange concepts as he could. Also, he just got taken out to the middle of the woods on Halloween night to maybe get railed by his alien boyfriend. He deserved some background info, given that they’d not discussed it before.

"So… what’s your, um. ‘True form’ look like?”

Benrey looked hesitant, like he was considering his response, before finally replying, "I'm not really a, uh, thing. Like you guys are. All..." he poked at Gordon's cheek. "Fleshy. Touchable."

“Like… you don’t have a physical form?”

“Nah I got one.”

Gordon furrowed his brows. “But you just said-”

Benrey cut him off abruptly. “You keep asking, your tiny head’s gonna, uh, explode. Just trying to understand it. Gonna be looking like that one scene in, uh, that movie you showed me. Illinois Jenkins."

It took Gordon at least half a minute to process what that MIGHT even mean. "Are you... talking about the face melting scene in the first Indiana Jones movie?"

"Yeah, that one. Weak ass human brain wouldn't be able to handle me, just melt on off.”

They continued walking in silence until Gordon decided he’d had enough and stopped when they got to a clearing, turning to face Benrey. “Bro, we’ve been walking for like half an hour. You gonna do anything?” Gordon realized he probably sounded bratty as hell when saying that, but he was getting a tad impatient, to tell the truth. 

The mood had drastically changed in that moment. There was a sort of… energy in the air around Benrey that seemed much darker and lacked the joking nature from a few minutes earlier. It reminded him of earlier at the apartment, when he’d been invited to go on a walk in the first place. When he looked at Benrey now, he swore that they had become larger. It couldn’t just be a trick of the shadows, they  _ had  _ to have grown larger.

"You like running, Gordon?" There was something uncanny and dangerous about the way Benrey said this. Their head was turned away, making their face be in near darkness, further enforcing the effect.

The hairs on the back of Gordon's neck stood up. "I- yeah, I did track in high school. Why?"

"If I, uh, told you to run, and that I'd try and catch you," he took a step closer to him, looking over and revealing an inhuman shine to his eyes. "Would you. Like that?"

Gordon wanted to say, 'yes that sounds amazing holy FUCK yes'. But he actually could only manage out, "Y-yeah, I would."

There was a sound that emitted from Benrey that seemed almost like a purr, of all things. In another circumstance, it might've been endearing. But the dark aura that was billowing from Benrey contradicted any sort of cuteness factor. "Cool. Better start running, then."

It wasn't the words that made Gordon run. Actually, Benrey could've said nothing at all and he would've bolted. It was the plethora of eyes forming in a smokey void behind Benrey that made him start sprinting in an indiscriminate direction. 

Within the first few steps, he nearly tripped over his own feet; he may have been a track star back in the day, but that didn't exactly equate to running skills a decade later in a  _ forest _ . At _ night _ . As his adrenaline kicked in, his speed increased, to his relief.

Gordon could only hear the sound of his rapid footsteps crunching onto the leaves and his own strained breathing. It could've been several minutes like this, or several seconds. As the moments of quiet passed, he wondered, was Benrey giving him a head start? Would he even make a sound when chasing him, anyways?

A sudden cackle rang out from somewhere behind him, maniacal and unearthly. It was quite a ways away, but to Gordon's horror, sounded like it's source was getting closer every second.

So now he knew Benrey was definitely after him. He picked up the pace, wondering how long he could draw this out. There was only one outcome, after all. He could feel his body starting to wear down - he had done short distance running in high school, not marathons.

The uneven terrain had been taking a toll on Gordon's stamina. After running even a few minutes in partial darkness, it was getting harder and harder to dodge trees and rocks. This would ultimately be his downfall, literally, when his foot caught on a particularly large root.

He tripped, nearly falling face first into the ground, but managed to have one of his outstretched hands catch a tree instead of the forest floor. While he may not have face planted, his momentum had been broken. Gordon's body tried to calm his breathing, but he needed to press onward. He was just as clumsy as when he initially started, if not more so from being dazed after the near fall.

This must've been the perfect opportunity for Benrey, because Gordon felt what he'd been dreading; warm breath on the back of his neck. He yelped, but didn't dare turn back. He willed his aching legs to go faster, pleading for any increase in speed. 

" **I'm gonna getcha** ."

The voice Gordon heard was unmistakably Benrey's but it was all... wrong. Mephistophelean and distorted, and strangely both far away yet right behind his ear. And it scared Gordon  _ shitless _ . On pure instinct, he took a sharp left, narrowly missing a tree. He had to try something, right?

That ended up being an awful decision as, after what had to be only a mere ten seconds of running, he skidded to a stop in front of a fairly wide stream.  _ Fuck that _ . In the daytime he probably would've been fine. But in the dark he was more likely to slip and crack his skull open than make it safely across. He'd have to think quickly to find an alternative path, but maybe he could still outrun Benrey. Just for a bit longer.

That was when he heard the most terrifying sound of the night: silence. It was just him, his racing heart, and the awful realization that Benrey could've caught him at any time. There was no way he outsmarted him with a random zigzag. Benrey was an apex predator, and every fight or flight instinct Gordon had begged him not to turn around.

Breaking the silence was a light, bone chilling chuckle from Benrey. It was the satisfied, knowing sound of a hunter that had found their prey at last, prey that had nowhere to go but their doomed embrace.

Gordon felt something that felt suspiciously like a tentacle slither up from his shoulder to his neck. He froze in fear, before it abruptly encircled itself around his neck and pulled him backwards into Benrey’s grip, flushed against their chest. The tentacle restricted his airflow just enough to cause him panic, but not too much that he couldn’t breathe. They used one arm to hold him in place by the waist and the other over his chest. For a moment it was completely silent, as Gordon struggled to breathe.

A long tongue licked along his jawline and he shivered. The feeling of hot air from what was no doubt a massive maw warmed the side of his face before they spoke, “ **Caught you** .”

In one quick motion the pair were suddenly on the ground, landing with a huff. Benrey loomed over him and straddled his hips. Gordon’s observation earlier of them seeming bigger was correct; in fact, they seemed even more huge close up, width and height-wise. The tentacle that was previously around Gordon’s neck had retracted and was replaced by one large hand that covered his neck and part of his shoulder. That was all they needed to pin Gordon down. He could feel nails - no,  _ claws _ , - digging into his skin, threatening to draw blood. He squirmed under the pressure fruitlessly, unable to distance himself from the creature above him (though in reality, he was loving this). The ever present shadow over Benrey’s eyes now covered their whole face, the only features discernible to Gordon being glowing yellow eyes and a predatory, monstrous grin.

There was a creaking of bones that made Gordon cringe, and he closed his eyes until feeling a new hand cupping the side of his hip, large thumb resting above his clothed, now stiffening dick. Following this was more creaking and the tearing of skin and muscle. Another arm must’ve formed, and it took a fistful of Gordon’s hair, pulling back his head and causing him to whimper. Benrey lowered himself closer to Gordon’s strained head, mouth right next to his ear. " **I caught you,** " the being rumbled, " **So I get to do what I want with you** ."

His pants were abruptly torn off by the hand that had been cupping his hip, the loud sound of fabric ripping apart indicating to Gordon that the pants would not survive the ordeal. He yelped in surprise, the cold autumn air gave him instant goosebumps. Just as he was about to chastise Benrey for destroying his jeans, an aggressive kiss took over his lips. His mouth parted automatically, leading the way for an impossibly long tongue.

At the exact same time, terrifyingly, he felt something biting and sucking at the soft skin of his inner thighs. More mouths? Could they do that? It didn’t seem out of the question. Gordon moaned into the kiss, too overwhelmed by the sudden onset of stimulation to subdue it. It was so much at once that he couldn’t help but melt into the moment. It wasn’t until feeling a claw hook under the band of his boxers that he pushed against Benrey, who pulled away in confusion.

They both panted at first, trying to catch their breaths until Gordon eventually spoke. "I don't think that, um, this," Gordon gestured to the ground, "Is really the most sanitary place to be doing... stuff."

The grips of Benrey's numerous hands on him relaxed, and they tilted their head slightly. "Little baby worried ‘bout getting worms in his holes?”

Gordon closed his eyes, taking a slow and deliberate breath. "I'm gonna forget you said that."

"Dirty boy don’t wanna rough it up. Already dirty, but, uh, don't wanna deal with it. Wow." Benrey smirked at Gordon's embarrassment and frustration.

"Do you still wanna fuck me, Benrey?"

"Ya."

"Then shut up."

Benrey did as they were told, face blank for a moment. Gordon’s heart raced, wondering what they were going to do. Then, they gave a twisted grin, large fangs glinting in the moonlight.

That haunting smile was the last thing Gordon saw before he was plunged into darkness. Not the nighttime darkness of a forest, but absolute darkness. A complete void. He frantically darted his head around, trying to see anything. It wasn’t like he’d just suddenly been blinded - the entire environment had changed. The ground was level and smooth like marble. The air was no longer crisp and cool, but rather devoid of any temperature whatsoever. Gordon had never been in a sensory deprivation tank, but figured that had to be pretty close to his current predicament. 

He realized that the feeling of something pinning him down remained, so Benrey had to still be there. "Where are we?" Gordon asked, voice a mere whisper from intimidation.

"Me." Benrey said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?" There were so many questions Gordon wanted to ask. Was this their true form? Were they still in the forest? Was this a totally different dimension? He felt like he had a tension headache all of a sudden.

"Don't, uh, worry about it. It'll break your head. But we gotta lot of, um," he smacked his lips. "Cool opportunities here." As if to demonstrate, a wave of numerous eyes appeared in the void, high above them. They had a slight yellow glow to them, shining down like spotlights. There wasn't enough light to fully see what was going on, but it was honestly on par with what Gordon was able to see in the forest, so it retained a similar sense of atmosphere.

"Opportunities, huh?" Gordon said nervously. He felt kind of lost, unsure of how to resume their activities. He wasn't soft yet, but his anxiety was less sexy and more awkward at this point.

Luckily, it seemed Benrey had a plan for that. "Yeah," they said, from the same distance they'd always been at. "Opportunities." This was spoken directly next to Gordon's ear, making him jolt in surprise. 

He turned his head to the side, seeing nothing there. When he looked back up, Benrey had disappeared from atop him. There was a chuckle that echoed from all directions. What followed was a pleasant assault on Gordon’s senses; it started with simple, invisible kisses to each of his cheeks, a gentle reassurance and introduction. Then the weight of several velvety tendrils appearing from nowhere pinned him down. They undulated over his skin aimlessly, Gordon barely suppressing a moan from their mere presence. He rutted up into nothing reflexively - the entire chase mixed with being pinned beneath Benrey’s consuming weight had made him achingly hard and surprisingly wet. He wanted _ more, more, more _ . 

A pair of tentacles swam up his torso under his sweatshirt, and at the same time something - a hand? - pulled off his sweatshirt roughly. Each tendril found its way to one of Gordon’s nipples. The sound he made in response was embarrassingly whorish, and in the background Benrey could be heard making some sort of satisfied sound between a purr and a growl. 

He felt bites to his thighs and torso again, making him yip in surprise. There were definitely more mouths this time, and being unable to see things made it even more exciting. Hands must have appeared at some point, as he felt them massaging his ass, his shoulders, even his goddamn feet. God, it was so  _ good _ .

Caught in a haze of lust, Gordon unconsciously reached under his boxers to play with his dick. He had no way to know, but probably should've assumed Benrey wouldn't let him do that. A spare hand grabbed his wrist and pinned it to the ground in an iron grip. Before he could protest, he was pacified by a tentacle abruptly entering his mouth.

"Guhk-!" In mild shock, he didn't have the chance to properly suck and he choked. It began to fuck his throat in a steadily more aggressive pace. Idly he wondered if this was actually pleasurable to Benrey, or simply something to do with his mouth. Were any of them like his dick? Or just sensitive? What were they connected to? It made his brain hurt, and he remembered what Benrey had said about not thinking too hard on it.

Benrey must’ve noticed how Gordon wasn’t as grounded in the moment as before, because suddenly everything that was happening to him turned up to 10. An incomprehensible number of limbs and tentacles touching him, appearing from nowhere before Gordon even had the chance to process it.

Too many mouths, too many teeth. Too many hands rubbing up and down his body. Too strange of an object fucking his mouth. It was too much and it was  _ wonderful _ . The unexpectedness from moment to moment kept Gordon’s heart racing. The inhumanness of it all. And the best part was that he knew how much of a privilege those feelings were; no one else would ever experience what he was feeling in that moment. People could only fantasize about it. 

He caught a glimpse of the void above him, able to see the collection of eyes that looked down at him with animalistically blown out pupils. Gordon felt like he was a fly, caught in the web of a spider. An incredibly horny, all powerful spider. While he would've expected himself to feel exposed at a time like his, the way Benrey was handling him made him feel like a piece of fine art.

One tentacle, thicker than the rest, rested itself firmly above Gordon’s still clothed crotch. The fact that his boxers hadn’t been removed yet, despite apparently breaking reality to not have to fuck outdoors, was driving him insane. Especially with the way the tentacle seemed to be well aware of how it pressed on his dick. Gordon tried to grind into it, desperate for the friction, but it released its pressure everytime he moved his hips up. He whined in frustration.

“Betcha want one of these inside of you, huh?” Benrey taunted, giving his sensitive dick a miniscule flick, making him whimper. “Bet you’ve been thinking bout it since earlier. Driving you crazy.”

The tentacle that had been in his mouth was removed to let him speak, his own drool pooling out and covering his face. “F-for fucks sake, yes.” He said, voice hoarse. As if to torture him further, all other motion around his body stilled. God, Gordon wanted to scream.

“Then prove it. Ask a little, uh, nicer.”

_ Holy shit _ , this bastard was gonna make him  _ beg for it _ . 

“I-” He really just wanted to tell Benrey to fuck off, but knew that probably wouldn’t get him anywhere. “Please.”

Nothing.

“Please, please, Jesus Christ- just fuck me, please." At first he was reluctant, but gradually his pleas became more sincere.

A spare hand pulled down his underwear gently, taking care to just take them without ripping them. They didn’t touch him further though, simply exposing his cock to the stagnant air.

“Benrey, please, please, oh god, please just fuck me, please-" He was almost wailing now, heated and desperate.

His begging was cut off and replaced with a gasp as Gordon felt a tendril begin to poke experimentally at his front hole. This then rolled into a low groan as it pressed into him, slowly and steadily. Gordon shuddered as he felt himself stretching to accommodate the size. It was slightly larger than anything he’d inserted before, but not too much so that it was painful. This particular tentacle seemed to be producing some sort of self-lubrication, adding on to his own wetness so the process wasn't terribly uncomfortable. On the contrary, it felt divine.

It went as deep as his body allowed, touching places he didn't even know he had. There was a pause in motion that he was grateful for as his body adjusted to the feeling. Quietly, but loud enough for Gordon to hear clearly, Benrey moaned and whispered, “H-holy  _ shit _ .” So that solved the mystery of if Benrey could feel these, and that this thicker one seemed to be a substitute for his cock. 

The halt was pleasant at first, letting him fully appreciate how goddamn  _ full  _ he felt, but eventually the lack of movement felt like torture. Gordon whimpered and bucked his hips slightly.

“What do you want?”

“Move. Please, please move.” Gordon begged, desperation evident in his voice. If he was told to beg again, he might've sobbed.

For once, that was all Benrey needed. What resumed was an immediate onslaught of sensation; the tentacle rapidly thrusting in and out of him, pulsating simultaneously; sucking and bites to neck and chest; hands feeling him up everywhere, massaging him sensually; he knew it wouldn’t be long until he would come undone.

“You look so good like this,” Benrey mused. They sounded slightly out of breath, which didn’t make a ton of sense but Gordon didn’t have the energy to question it. “F-fuckin’ perfect for me.”

All Gordon could do was moan sinfully in response. The praise was doing things to his brain and he reveled in it. He looked up, wanting to make eye contact with his boyfriend. That, of course, wasn’t easy to do when there were countless eyes in the unknown void, surrounding and fixated on him. He moaned Benrey’s name on repeat like a mantra, making the pupils on the above eyes dilate further.

He already knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, but what really set him off was the feeling of another tentacle snaking up his leg and brushing up against his cock. And holy FUCK, that strange velvety texture on a place so sensitive drove him crazy. It wrapped itself around his cock, giving it a few surprisingly gentle strokes, and it was just enough to set Gordon over the edge. 

Gordon came like a tidal wave, walls clenching around the tendril inside him and arching his back in pleasure. He gasped and let out a loud, lewd sound that was just a few decibels short of a scream. He must've been squirming wildly, totally overwhelmed by the rapture. He rode out the high as the tendril inside him still moved, and the one on his dick gave a few more strokes. It almost felt like too much, but it was so good.

Benrey's thrusts slowed down before he became too sensitive, but did continue. Obviously Benrey wasn't done with him, or wasn't done themself. Gordon could just barely hear them making desperate little noises and cries, slightly muffled by the high of his own orgasm.

Despite already peaking, Gordon desperately craved the feeling of Benrey releasing inside of him. Everything felt so good, and something in his brain just knew that it would feel even better if he was even more full. He just wanted to be  _ claimed  _ by Benrey, inside and out. Which was… something he’d never been into before. Thanks to Black Mesa’s health insurance, he’d not needed to worry about pregnancy for years, but that didn’t mean he inherently liked the idea of someone else’s cum being in him. Whatever caution or fear he had before was thrown out the window.

“Can- can I- please-” Benrey sounded like he was having trouble formulating the words, but Gordon knew exactly what he was asking. He found it ironic that the person who had been telling  _ him  _ to beg was now doing the pleading.

“Yes, god, yes-” Gordon choked out.

Benrey came with a growl that echoed from all directions. Fluid gushed into Gordon and holy shit did it feel good. He couldn't tell if it was a strange effect of Benrey's cum or if he came a second time, but the pleasure that built up inside of him burst into pure, all-consuming ecstasy.

At some point Benrey must've removed the majority of their tentacles and extra hands, leaving him laying on the ground, hole seeping abnormally thick cum and the wind completely knocked out of him.

"You did so good, so pretty like this, too."

A few tentacles that remained nuzzled against him, spooning his whole body in one tender embrace. Benrey purred slightly in the background. Gordon basked in the afterglow, soaking up each blissful second. Everything felt good, and even in the strange void, he felt safe. Everything around him was Benrey, and that was all that mattered.

And it was because of this afterglow that Gordon didn’t even hear the voices start. He just noticed them at some point; a soft symphony of voices, like the conversations in a crowd but in hushed tones. He didn’t know how long he’d been able to hear them, or even where they were coming from. They sounded both right in front of him and in the distance at the same time.

"What... is that?"

“It’s, uh, me. Told you man, everything here is me.”

The voices all chimed in at once to speak with him. The idea that Benrey's consciousness was some kind of hivemind of dozens of other spirits was absolutely terrifying to Gordon. The primal fight or flight instincts he had told him 'run, this entity has more power than you can comprehend.'

“Don’t try and listen to it though, bad for your head.”

The voices were louder than before. He'd never heard something so beautifully chaotic in his life. It sounded like indistinct gibberish, but he couldn't help but try to focus on it. They were so beautiful, he needed to understand what they were saying.

“Yo, wait- Gordon, stay with me-”

Benrey's voice sounded muffled, like they were trying to talk to him through a fishbowl. Everything was suddenly becoming fuzzy to Gordon. A lightheadedness hit him and heard some sort of static mixed in with the voices, but he felt completely calm. This was fine. Despite being unintelligible, he swore the voices were speaking to him, telling him it would be okay. Of course it would be okay. 

“Focus on me, my voice, not the other ones-”

Where was he again? Heck,  _ who _ was he? It didn't matter. He felt good, blissful - orgasmic, even. His vision bubbled with the same static that buzzed behind the cacophony of voices, and his body felt numb. The world seemed like it was spinning, too. He kept hearing a separate voice try to call to him, but it just couldn't permeate the mass of conversation that had already filled his consciousness. The person trying to talk to him sounded so desperate. Which was something he didn't understand - what could be wrong, with those voices right there, begging him to join them? Nothing so ethereal could be that bad for him.

From beyond the visual snow dominating his sight, there was a light of some sort. Looking at it caused a sharp pressure inside his head, but he ignored it. The light was burning, brilliant, and shone impossible colors, like billions of diamonds. It was like looking into the universe itself. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. And it was drawing him in. Something in the back of his mind told him to be afraid, but he was so willing. It was a return to Everything.

And then, Gordon Freeman simply… wasn't.

  
  


\---

  
  


The first thing Gordon noticed when he awoke was how uncomfortable his bed was. His ears were ringing and his skull ached like the world's worst hangover, but the lack of softness of his bed reminded him of sleeping on the floors of Black Mesa, and that definitely seemed worse.

The second thing Gordon noticed, and probably the most pressing matter, was the grip someone had on shoulders, desperately shaking him. When he got the strength to peel open his eyes, he could see the person shaking him was Benrey. There were tears streaked down their face, which held a panicked, grieving expression that Gordon never wanted to see them have again. 

That was when Gordon realized that he was not, in fact, in his bedroom, but was laying on the forest floor after blacking out in his boyfriend's personal eldritch hell dimension. He was also sticky, covered in leaves and freezing.

Benrey sighed from relief upon seeing Gordon's return to consciousness, their grip on him relaxing. "Bro, I-, you can't do that, I thought you…" They trailed off and wiped their eyes, regaining composure. "That was a bad idea, I shouldn't've brought you there. 'M sorry."

Gordon propped himself up on his elbows, groaning slightly. "It's okay man, it's my fault for not listening to you." He managed to sit up the whole way and rubbed his forehead. He caught a glimpse of a pile of his mostly ruined clothes to his side. He picked up his disheveled sweatshirt and put it on, next grabbing the most salvageable scraps of his jeans and more or less just laid it over his exposed, tacky-feeling legs. So much for staying clean.

They remained in momentary silence while he did this, before he cleared his throat. "I know you said it was you but like, what was with the sounds? Why did they hurt me, and what caused them?”

Benrey had their attention fixed to the ground, pulling at some grass. They looked both nervous and guilt-ridden. "We were… there for too long. Took a lot of energy to do all that and I- hard to hold back the rest of me- you got too exposed and… Dumb human brain. Told you man, like Illinois Jenkins."

Gordon didn’t have the heart to tell him that statement was barely comprehensible. Regardless, he understood the bigger message; there was something intrinsically terrifying about how powerful Benrey as a being was. The fight on Xen has proved his power, but this experience was something so much more intimately intense. It finally clicked with Gordon as to why Mr. Coolatta had been so intimidated by Benrey, back at Black Mesa.

Benrey was  **endless** . And, despite the fear, despite everything that they'd been through, that's how deeply Gordon's feelings for him ran. 

He slumped against his boyfriend and started giggling lightly, eventually putting his head in Benrey's lap as his laughing got louder. Benrey became mildly alarmed at this, tensing and looking down at Gordon with concern. His amusement settled after a few moments, wiping away the moisture that had formed in the corners of his eyes.

"I don't know how I ended up dating an eldritch alien god, but I don't regret it."

"You're not, uh, upset? About what happened?" Gordon's statement seemed to baffle them. "I put you in so much danger. Like, number 3 on the list of top 10 fucked up Benry moments, dude. Just behind the other stuff you shouldn't've forgiven me for.” 

"No, actually, I-," Gordon paused, coming to a realization. Of what he’d been feeling earlier, what he wanted to say. "I… love you. I love you."

Benrey froze, looking down at him with wide eyes. His cheeks flushed a shade of blue deep enough to be seen in the dark. "Y- wuh?"

"I love you, Benrey." The other being still seemed to be in shock, so Gordon sat up beside him and sighed. He felt bad for making his boyfriend react like this, but surprisingly, felt no regret for saying what he had. "It's okay if you aren't ready to say it back, and I'm sorry if me saying it makes you uncomfortable or anything."

"No I- I'm just- with everything I did, like before, I never thought I'd- that you-" they were stuttering all over the place, like they were malfunctioning. Gordon grabbed Benrey's hand and lightly squeezed it in reassurance. They took a deep breath. "I love you too. Always have, I just had a, uh, fucked idea of what that looked like. Guess I never expected to get this far."

"Like I said, I didn't really expect to end up here either." Their fingers intertwined and Gordon looked up at the sky. The bright moon was poking out from behind some trees, and the way the stars shone reminded him of the bright light inside the void earlier. Of Benrey. 

"Where do we go from here?" Benrey asked, speaking at a near whisper level.

"Home. Take a shower probably. Go to bed. Beyond that, I don't know." Gordon looked back at Benrey and leaned towards him, giving him a light kiss on the cheek. "But I can promise we'll go through it together."

There was a content silence for a few more moments. Gordon felt like he could’ve stayed there forever, just the two of them. Benrey eventually spoke, “Hey, Gordon?”

“Yeah?”

"Thanks for a totally poggers Halloween."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! wanted to say I may make more stuff in this series in the future, depending on the reception of this and my motivation. stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> thats all of chapter one! remember, if you don't want to read nsfw stuff, stop now.


End file.
